Jim Behrle's Kartoon kats are unhappy with Massachusetts. And they are rioting for CoCo!

Linking to a report about Osama bin Laden's latest audio message, the Drudge Report uses an upside-down image of the terrorist leader's face. In his infinite wit and wisdom, Matt Drudge is trying to tell us something. But what?

Five theories:

• 1. Matt Drudge has subverted the principles of black magic to exorcize the demon of bin Laden from the world. ExposingSatanism.org explains the logic of upside-down symbology:

  UPSIDE DOWN CROSS Symbolizes mockery and rejection of Jesus. Necklaces are worn by many satanist's. It can be seen on Rock singers and their album covers.

  By turning the human incarnation of Satan upside down, Drudge has created an amulet of protection. Should Osama attack, the Drudge Report will be the garlic to his vampire and drive him away from America. Like a silver bullet, we may use the Drudge Report to kill him.

• 2. At the climax of the first Harry Potter book, Professor Quirrell removes his turban, revealing a tiny Lord Voldemort on the back of his head. Matt Drudge is concerned that the same thing may be happening to bin Laden. It's a bit like Magic Eye: If you stare at upside-down Osama long enough, Voldemort will pop right out at you.
• 
  
• 3. If he didn't put bin Laden upside down, we might accidentally think he liked terrorism. Liberal media make this mistake all the time.
• 
  
• 4. Human error
• 
  
• 5. Whimsy
• 
  

This week: everyone took advantage of a crisis for their own gain, someone sold Gay Paradise, and a naked guy won America's heart (and higher legislative body).

Everyone was helping in Haiti. Especially John Travolta and his Scientologist Rescue Adventure team. And the Crusading CNN-ers. (Though they quickly became jaded.) Oh, and John Edwards! (Could we bring the refugees here and leave those people there, maybe?)

And Wyclef Jean! He has a charity. It is kind of a sketchy charity. Wyclef admitted that mistakes were made. We called on him to give the money he's raised to someone who can really help.

In other news: you asked and journalism ethics expert Kate Major answered!

Scott Brown—aka the White, Naked Obama—won his race for Ted Kennedy's seat and pimped out his daughters, thus ushering in the era of the Republican Superminority. (Him and his daughter and his naked wife also ushered in the era of the Republican Fameball.) This was all Richard's fault.

The King of Fire Island sold most of his kingdom to some guy. Gay Paradise will officially be ruled by three wise men.

So! We saw these billboards of a guy and a lady, and they led to this website full of pictures. And they turned out to be pictures of a dude and his mistress. And the dude turned out to be the president of Oracle. And the billboards turned out to be a "gift" from the mistress. And they had a very nice love nest.

Also this week:

• Ke$ha was on The Simple Life back before she was Ke$ha.
• Dennis Hopper is screwing his wife on his death bed.
• Barack Obama Tweeted.
• We pondered the mystery of naked pictures of famous dudes on a website.
• All the ladies at the Golden Globes were huge fatties, but we were ok with that.
• Lil Bow Wow's mom embarrassed him on Twitter.
• Denoit Denizet-Lewis knows what Tiger is up to in Sex Rehab.
• We investigated the sad tale of Yale: The Musical.
• We watched Johnny Weir's TV show.
• We figured out how to tell when gay rumors are true.
• We (along with the Daily Show) took a look back at Barack Obama's first year.
• John Mayer turned out to be a chronic masturbator (and possible Deadspin reader?).
• Oh, that Late Night TV thing was still going on.
• Apple is going to save newspapers with a really big iPod.
• We declared our lack of interest in certian porn parodies.
• A girl from The Real Worldfeels totally bad about lying about cancer.
• We watched American Idol, The Real World, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Jersey Shore. But not iCarly.
• We looked at the fancy places those Goldman Sachs bonus-receivers bought with your money.
• We learned a lot from Jersey Shore.
• What other groups should MTV explore with its cameras?
• Air America died.
• We took a look back at awesome old Hollywood gossip.

To the #tips page: you won't be able to buy the Skull & Bones skull, a classic South Park memo and cold idiots. Since no one's working tonight, why not check out #crosstalk? Keep strong Snugbug.

• FormerEnglishMajorsays the Skull & Bones skull auction has been cancelled. Put your paddles down.
• atlasfuggedcame across an Op-Ed by the newest Senator for Massachusetts and is unimpressed.
• ghiagirlis the latest person to be driven into an angry rage about the New York Times' fake trend story about people (see, I didn't use the H-word) who don't use heat in their apartments.
• Uncle_Billy_Slumming points us to an oldie but a goodie: the memo Matt Stone wrote to the MPAA to protest the NC-17 it gave for South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. It begins: "We left in both the 'fisting' and the 'rimjob' references in the counselor's office scene. We did cut the word 'hole' from 'asshole' as per our conversation."
• Sorry to cut this short. I told all the writers I'd buy them drinks tonight and I'm already late.

You can leave us tips, links, news, story ideas, pictures, whatever on the #tips page by using the "Share" box on the front page and including the hashtag #tips. If you'd prefer, you can also send a confidential email to tips@gawker.com or call our tipline at 646-214-8138.

South Carolina: Your politicians stink. Mark "All Over Your Appalachian Trail" Sanford's right-hand man, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, refuses to apologize for a comment comparing poor people to "stray animals," arguing we should not "feed" them lest "they breed."

Here's what Bauer said in front of a crowd of people in Greenville:

In government, we are too often giving a handout instead of a hand up. [...] My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals You know why? Because they breed.

You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.

The State—a newspaper that is either really good, or just has a good beat, since South Carolina politicians have neither self-control nor discursive filters—reports that Bauer refuses to apologize. Though his words were rough, he says, the message was true. Which is weird, because even if you forgive him for comparing poor people to flea-bag alley cats that "don't know any better" than to blindly rub their genitals together until flea-bag babies spring from their loins—if you actually follow his argument to its logical conclusion? It's that we should starve poor people until their reproductive organs cease to function, which is not only totally messed up, but isn't even efficient.

"This is out of love and compassion," Bauer said. "If I have to take a hit, then fine. ... I will take short-term pain for long-term gain."

Bauer's "stray animals" rant came on the same day that South Carolina reported a jobless rate of 12.6 percent. Some South Carolinians find this coincidence distressing. On a completely unrelated note, how cute do Bauer and Luv Guv look on that bicycle built for two? [State]

Tonight at 8pm is the Hope for Haiti Now telethon, which will air on many TV stations and is being livestreamed on sites across the web, including here. Please support relief and recovery in Haiti.

Funds raised will go to support the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund, UNICEF, the American Red Cross, Yele Haiti, World Food Program, Oxfam America, and Partners in Health.

This week: everyone took advantage of a crisis for their own gain, someone sold Gay Paradise, and a naked guy won America's heart (and higher legislative body).

Everyone was helping in Haiti. Especially John Travolta and his Scientologist Rescue Adventure team. And the Crusading CNN-ers. (Though they quickly became jaded.) Oh, and John Edwards! (Could we bring the refugees here and leave those people there, maybe?)

And Wyclef Jean! He has a charity. It is kind of a sketchy charity. Wyclef admitted that mistakes were made. We called on him to give the money he's raised to someone who can really help.

In other news: you asked and journalism ethics expert Kate Major answered!

Scott Brown—aka the White, Naked Obama—won his race for Ted Kennedy's seat and pimped out his daughters, thus ushering in the era of the Republican Superminority. (Him and his daughter and his naked wife also ushered in the era of the Republican Fameball.) This was all Richard's fault.

The King of Fire Island sold most of his kingdom to some guy. Gay Paradise will officially be ruled by three wise men.

So! We saw these billboards of a guy and a lady, and they led to this website full of pictures. And they turned out to be pictures of a dude and his mistress. And the dude turned out to be the president of Oracle. And the billboards turned out to be a "gift" from the mistress. And they had a very nice love nest.

Also this week:

• Ke$ha was on The Simple Life back before she was Ke$ha.
• Dennis Hopper is screwing his wife on his death bed.
• Barack Obama Tweeted.
• We pondered the mystery of naked pictures of famous dudes on a website.
• All the ladies at the Golden Globes were huge fatties, but we were ok with that.
• Lil Bow Wow's mom embarrassed him on Twitter.
• Denoit Denizet-Lewis knows what Tiger is up to in Sex Rehab.
• We investigated the sad tale of Yale: The Musical.
• We watched Johnny Weir's TV show.
• We figured out how to tell when gay rumors are true.
• We (along with the Daily Show) took a look back at Barack Obama's first year.
• John Mayer turned out to be a chronic masturbator (and possible Deadspin reader?).
• Oh, that Late Night TV thing was still going on.
• Apple is going to save newspapers with a really big iPod.
• We declared our lack of interest in certian porn parodies.
• A girl from The Real Worldfeels totally bad about lying about cancer.
• We watched American Idol, The Real World, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Jersey Shore. But not iCarly.
• We looked at the fancy places those Goldman Sachs bonus-receivers bought with your money.
• We learned a lot from Jersey Shore.
• What other groups should MTV explore with its cameras?
• Air America died.
• We took a look back at awesome old Hollywood gossip.

An Ethiopian aircraft has plummeted into the sea, mere minutes after its takeoff from Lebanese capital Beirut. The Lebanese army and U.N. Interim Force are searching the coast. Among those aboard was the wife of France's ambassador to Lebanon. The flight was en route to Ethiopian capital Addis Ababa. [CNN]

To the #tips page: you won't be able to buy the Skull & Bones skull, a classic South Park memo and cold idiots. Since no one's working tonight, why not check out #crosstalk? Keep strong Snugbug.

• FormerEnglishMajorsays the Skull & Bones skull auction has been cancelled. Put your paddles down.
• atlasfuggedcame across an Op-Ed by the newest Senator for Massachusetts and is unimpressed.
• ghiagirlis the latest person to be driven into an angry rage about the New York Times' fake trend story about people (see, I didn't use the H-word) who don't use heat in their apartments.
• Uncle_Billy_Slumming points us to an oldie but a goodie: the memo Matt Stone wrote to the MPAA to protest the NC-17 it gave for South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut. It begins: "We left in both the 'fisting' and the 'rimjob' references in the counselor's office scene. We did cut the word 'hole' from 'asshole' as per our conversation."
• Sorry to cut this short. I told all the writers I'd buy them drinks tonight and I'm already late.

You can leave us tips, links, news, story ideas, pictures, whatever on the #tips page by using the "Share" box on the front page and including the hashtag #tips. If you'd prefer, you can also send a confidential email to tips@gawker.com or call our tipline at 646-214-8138.

An Ethiopian aircraft has plummeted into the sea, mere minutes after its takeoff from Lebanese capital Beirut. The Lebanese army and U.N. Interim Force are searching the coast. Among those aboard was the wife of France's ambassador to Lebanon. The flight was en route to Ethiopian capital Addis Ababa. [CNN]

Twitter has become a magnet for Hollywood celebrities, which explains why Facebook's clearly jealous flacks were conducting interviews on the Golden Globe red carpet last night. Next step: Convincing stars like Ricky Gervais that users are worth the trouble.

Twitter makes things easy for an A-lister: Adding "followers" is instant, and posting messages is easy as pie. Facebook, meanwhile, confusingly divides communication between walled-off profiles, for authorized "friends," and "fan pages," which have their own rules. Randi Zuckerberg, sister of Facebook's founder, tries to explain things to Kara Swisher of All Things Dat the end of attached video. But not before British Office star Ricky Gervais cuts to the heart of the matter in his interview with Zuckerberg: Anonymous, "weird" internet people might not be worth so much fuss.

On January 27, the president of the United States will outline plans for pressing issues like the deficit, immigration, maybe global warming. The same day, the CEO of Apple will hold up new, expensive plastic gadget. Who wins?

Sure, one event, involving a room full of sweaty computer geeks, is at 1 pm ET, while the other, involving a joint session of Congress, is at 9 pm ET. Dates for both were announced today, and clearly both will get some press coverage. But it's only natural to wonder which presentation more people will still be talking about the next morning. You don't have to think too hard about it: This is the president who was hounded with press questions about his speech pre-empting Lost, until he promised that wouldn't happen.

Larry King sold his suspenders. Anderson Cooper and Sanjay Gupta saved young Haitians. And Jessica Yellin made a terrible earthquake-related pun. Welcome to the strangest night yet of CNN's unrelenting prime-time Haiti coverage.

CNN has been generally excellent in their Haiti coverage. While Fox and MSNBC have used the tragedy to pimp their political ideologies and the Today Show's Ann Curry and Al Roker flew in to be useless for a day, CNN has kept up a steady stream of on-the-ground reports and compelling pictures. But things got weird tonight as the news/newsmaker barrier was dramatically breached.

On AC360, Anderson Cooper and Sanjay Gupta played a team of roving superhero reporters, covering the news but only after saving everyone's lives. (Imagine if somebody could be Clark Kent and Superman at the same time.) Here's a gripping report from Anderson "AC" Cooper on looting, which ends in him picking up a bloodied kid and dragging him to safety.

Then, Sanjay "Doc" Gupta—the brains of the operation—performed aircraft carrier-based neurosurgery on a young girl after no other qualified doctors could be found.

Taking a break from saving lives on the dusty streets, Anderson Cooper turned briefly to America's petty political squabbles. The Massachusetts senate race was put into perspective by political correspondent Jessica Yellin, who should probably think twice in the future before trying to get cute with the geological puns:

Anderson, first of all, compared to what you are seeing in Haiti and what people are going through there this does seem insignificant to some extent, and that really does put things in perspective. That said, I can tell you, here in Massachusetts, this election, what is about to happen tomorrow could be tectonic for American politics.

TOO SOON.

Having dispensed with pretending to care about politics, AC began to berate a wimpy Belgian medical team that abandoned its patients overnight because of "security concerns".

Said Cooper:

I do think some of these big organizations, plans are made in some other country—back in Geneva or something—and by the time it gets filtered down and the bureaucracy gets involved and there's a million sheeps involved, days have been wasted, when, you know, you could just get some folks and get out there. Roll up your sleeves and start doing it.

"Back in Geneva or something!" Is Anderson Cooper going rogue? AC and The Doc sounded ready to call everything off, bulldoze into the thick of it and turn AC360 into a sort of humanitarian aid reality show.

Meanwhile, back on the home front, actual reality TV star Ryan Seacrest tweeted in the Tweet Suite and Larry King sold his suspenders on the two-hour fund-raising special, "Haiti: How You Can Help." J. Lo, Pete Wentz, Mick Jagger, Benicio Del Toro, Snoop Dog, Ben Stiller and many, many others manned the phones and talked about the Time They Went to Haiti and How Nice and Poor Everyone Was. (Gawker.TV's got the lowdown on the absurd show which raised an equally absurd amount of money for the Red Cross.)

This is all great. CNN is doing good! But there's also something off-putting about Anderson and Sanjay running around Port-Au-Prince, performing heroics on camera, while Larry King and his buddies from American Idol auction off his suspenders back at home. (And Campbell Brown looks tearfully on.)

At what point does this go from "CNN's Excellent Haiti Coverage" to "CNN's Excellent Haiti Adventure?"

Do not get Americans upset about their TV. They will stage demonstrations with witty signs and chanting and everything! Today the country was wracked by Conan O'Brien protests, the like of which have been unseen since Vietnam.

In New York, hundreds braved extremely mild temperatures and, apparently, being unemployed, to attend an afternoon rally outside of Rockefeller Center, where O'Brien hosted "Late Night" in simpler times:

At the LA rally outside of Universal Studios—Conan's current home—protesters (Or whatever they were. Idiots with free time?) chanted such inspired slogans as "Jay Leno Sucks!" But also: La Bamba drove past the crowd "in a pope-like-mobile truck" before Conan sprinted down Lakershim Boulevard and everyone chased him, according to LAist. Then there was free pizza!

Seattle and Chicago also had rallies to show how much they will miss not watching but being vaguely aware of Conan O'Brien on the "Tonight Show" . It is unclear what these people are hoping to accomplish with their rallies, since Conan's departure from NBC is all but guaranteed. Maybe they're practicing for when they have to protest stuff that actually means something.

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